Summary: Jimin's tired of needing, tired of wanting things that doesn't exist.
( Snow was falling outside, littering the roads...Collapse )
It was one of those nights where Taehyung can't handle the pressure anymore; one of those nights were he wants to run away but can't because then he'd be in trouble and that'd be more stress for him and anyway he isn't that much of a rebel. So he laid in bed at two in the morning, unable to sleep and watching absolutely nothing on the ceiling. He doesn't know how it happened though, that Jeongguk was dragging him down from his bunk and out of their dorm to the garden out back. He was tired and stressed his brains out from staring at the ceiling to even ask what they're doing so he just decided to screw it and--fuck is that a blanket and sandwiches?
“Fuck, Jeongguk, I don’t know how I’ll live without you.” Taehyung said, tears threatening to spill.
Jeongguk just laughed at him and tugged him down.
✮ ✮✮ ✮
The sky was clear that night. It was summer and it was warm, bordering on hot but Taehyung's hands were so, so cold when they wrapped around Jeongguk's sweaty ones.
Jeongguk brought Taehyung outside at two in the morning because he knew that’s what his hyung needed, and that scolding he got earlier was nasty. And now his hyung was smiling again, his eyes fixated on the stars, and that’s enough for Jeongguk.
"Why's your hand so sweaty?" Taehyung laughed. It wasn't like this was the first time Taehyung held his hand. Taehyung always holds his hand when they watch horror movies and Taehyung's too hardheaded to just admit he's afraid. Taehyung holds his hand before they go on stage; every time he's nervous, actually, and Jeongguk is (always) the only one there with him. Point is, they hold hands often, or rather, Taehyung holds his hand often, often enough that it means nothing. That it should mean nothing. So Jeongguk doesn't get why it does, for him.
He heard his name being called but Jeongguk didn't hear because he was watching his hyung's face, watching his mouth form the words of Jeongguk's name, watching as his laugh freeze on his eyes, nose, and lips, and Jeongguk was glad he already had these past years, four fucking years with his mouth shut so the urge to say the words he longed to say was weaker, but it was still there, the tugging feeling to whisper, shout that he loves him. That he loved him ever since the first time he saw him struggle with the choreo, the first time he saw him smile and eat black bean noodles at the same time.
"Jeongguk, the stars are pretty today aren't they?" Taehyung said, smiling his childish toothy smile while looking at the sky. Jeongguk always made fun of him for it, but he secretly loved every time he catches his huyng smile.
Jeongguk nodded his reply. Moments pass in silence.
"Ya. The North Star, do you know where it is?" Taehyung asked a few minutes, nudging Jeongguk without looking at him.
"I don't know hyung."
"It's supposed to be the compass to people without a compass. Amazing, right? Amazing how people could find places with just a star." He scanned the sky once. "You know, I've been thinking, can it lead me to someone too?"
Maybe it was the stress that made Taehyung like that, but Jeongguk wanted to scream at him right then and there, wanted to scream sometime like: "I’M RIGHT HERE YOU DOLT. I WAS ALWAYS HERE." But of course he couldn't, despite everything, Jeongguk is a coward. And a fucking masochist at that.
So he didn't say anything, he let his hyung try to find where the North Star was leading him. He watched his hyung grow, as he grew along with him and now, years after, he wished he said something, everything. He wished he said that he was waiting for him and that he loved him all this time and could he please just notice him because he was dying with every single second that passed that Taehyung didn’t know—wasn’t his.
Because it seems that the North Star heard Taehyung. After all these years, he found someone. And Jeongguk was left gazing the stars on his own, hoping, wishing, begging the North Star to lead Taehyung back to him.